Words, Music, and Sports: Advice

Words

If you hear someone pronounce a word incorrectly make sure you correct them immediately and mock them so much that they don’t try to say more words they’re not 100% sure about. Then you can continue to say all of your words that you know perfectly with 100% confidence for the rest of your life.

Music

Some music is better than other music. But only you know the difference. Tell everybody what music is actually good. Also tell them why the music they enjoy is bad. Even if they insist that love it they shouldn’t because remember: only you know what is good and what is bad music. You know this because you’re the best at ranking every genre, album and song for some reason.

Sports

If someone has just started to enjoy a sports team, but you have liked that same team for a longer time than they have, you have to make sure you shut them down and call them “bandwagon” fans. Ask them questions that you know they won’t know so you feel better about yourself – whatever you do don’t teach them about the team they are showing interest in. You have to remember that there’s a limited amount of team spirit and you have to save it for yourself in order to have a good time. You must not make your team feel welcoming to new fans – don’t forget that their enjoyment directly effects how much you enjoy your team. I don’t make the rules.

One More Thing

Don’t do any of these things.

A Closer Look: Neil Sedaka’s “Calendar Girl” 1961

“Calendar Girl” 

I love, I love, I love my calendar girl
Yeah, sweet calendar girl
I love, I love, I love my calendar girl
Each and every day of the year

Great start! Catchy!

(January)
You start the year all fine

Hehe… nice!

(February)
You’re my little Valentine

Aw, sweet.

(March)
I’m gonna march you down the aisle

Heh, clever, a little forward though.

(April)
You’re the Easter bunny
When you smile

STRETCH.

Yeah, yeah
My heart’s in a whirl
I love, I love, I love my little calendar girl
Every day (every day)
Every day (every day)
Of the year (every day of the year)

(May)
Maybe if I ask your dad and mom

I get it, hah. MAYbe I’m on board with this concept again…

(June)
They’d let me take you to the junior prom

BOO. In March you said you’d Marry her!

(July)
Like a firecracker
I’m aglow

Ok.

(August)
When you’re on the beach you steal the show

Not even trying anymore.

Yeah, yeah
My heart’s in a whirl
I love, I love, I love my little calendar girl
Every day (every day)
Every day (every day)
Of the year (every day of the year)

Whoo!

Yeah, yeah
My heart’s in a whirl
I love, I love, I love my little calendar girl
Every day (every day)
Every day (every day)
Of the year (every day of the year)

(September)
I light the candles at your sweet sixteen

Hold on. She’s sixteen? You were born in 1939, you were 22 when you wrote this. 

(October)
Romeo and Juliet on Halloween

So you do know that it’s creepy.

(November)
I’ll give thanks that you belong to me

Sigh.

(December)
You’re the present ‘neath my Christmas tree

Nope.

Yeah, yeah
My heart’s in a whirl
I love, I love, I love my little calendar girl
Every day (every day)
Every day (every day)
Of the year (every day of the year)

I love, I love, I love my calendar girl
Yeah, sweet calendar girl
I love, I love, I love my calendar girl
Yeah, sweet calendar girl

A “Love” song for #LoveOnNetflix

I was exited to hear about “LOVE” on Netflix on the Comedy Bang Bang Episode “LOVE is Thicker Than Water” – Near the end of the episode, Gillian Jacobs shares a final thought that inspired me to sample her (and Paul Rust, Scott Aukerman, and “Mike the Janitor” aka Paul F. Tomkins) singing and turn it into a song.

Or a direct link to the soundcloud: “Everybody Should Just Be Friends With Each Other (LOVE)”

If you haven’t checked out LOVE – do it now, it’s on Netflix and it is amazing.

Mainly, though, I just wanted to have a song that had immortalized the words “Dick Hut”

All the Best,

@jsos